I'm not Gay Damn it!
by LovingTheOgre
Summary: Little sasuke over hears his parents talk about his big brother. Itachi's not happy...I'M NOT GAY! Is somthing that he is going to say a lot as he learn his sexuality is always the topic of conversation. R And R
1. Why Mother Drinks

I'm NOT Gay Damn it!

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

"Big brother!"

Itachi groaned.

"What…"

Little Sasuke skipped into his brothers room smiling from ear to ear. He'd just gotten home from pre school and decided to bug his favorite brother.

"I was at school today an' now all dee's girls are fawoing me."

Itachi lifted a brow.

"I'm happy for you?"

Sasuke made a face.

"Big brother how come you don't have girls fowoing you?"

Itachi twitched.

"Because."

"I only see boys fawoing you…is it dat you are **gay**?"

Itachi's eye widened before he sighed.

"No. They just want to train, you little brat."

Sasuke's head tilted.

"Are you sure brig brother? Papa says that he **thinks** your **gay**."

"**WHAT**?"

"And mama says she thinks so to and that why she **drinks** so much."

Itachi face vaulted and cried anime style.

"**I AM NOT GAY**!"

Sasuke, just nodded and patted his brother on the head with his chubby hands.

"It's ok big brother…what gay?"

"I want to **DIE**!"

**Sera: Review and I'll go on! This was fun! Oh and Sasuke has baby talk that why he sounds weird. **


	2. Long Silky Hair is for girls

**I'm NOT Gay Damn it!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. And I should mention that this is an AU (Alternate Universe)…forgot to mention it before. **

Itachi left his house from the window as not to look at his parents. Of course this didn't stop him from seeing Sasuke's little fleet of mini fan girls. He groaned.

"Just because a guy _doesn't_ have a _girlfriend_ everyone automatically thinks he's _gay_." He said to himself.

"You're _not_ gay?"

Now if Itachi had been anyone else he'd have uncharacteristically whined…ok…so he did uncharacteristically whine but in a more dignified manner, meaning he didn't throw himself on the ground dramatically he just anime cried.

"**I AM NOT GAY**."

Kakashi rolled his visible eye.

"Could have fooled me."

Itachi's eye twitched.

"How so? I am the _pinnacle_ of _masculinity_. I am top of my class, top athlete in my school and I have a _mob of girls_ whom _would follow_ me if not for the _death threats_ I give them."

"Riiiiight…" Kakashi said. He patted the boy on the shoulder and shook his head. "Look it's not a big deal that your gay."

"I'm not gay."

"Whatever…" Kakashi continued. "The point is, that _if_ you are, then there is nothing bad about it."

Itachi crossed his arms.

"How do I get mistaken as gay?"

Kakashi stopped.

"What?"

"How do I, Itachi M.(1) Uchiha, top student and heart throb, get mistaken as someone whom is attracted to the same sex?"

"What's the **M** for in your whole name?"

"Don't worry about it…just answer my question."

"Well," Kakashi began. "your hair is really long."

"So?"

"And silky."

Itachi's eye, again, began to twitch. **(he's gonna have eye problems in the future I just know it!)** The teenager stared at the man in front of him.

"What?"

"It's silky, like a girls."

Feeling a head ache coming on, Itachi held the bridge of his nose and counted back.

"So, because I have good hair that makes me gay? Is that all? If I would have known that then I'd have cut it earlier."

Kakashi shook his head.

"That amongst other things…"

Itachi sighed loudly.

"Whatever…I'm going to cram school…then maybe after that practice…hopefully I can impale myself on my shurikan or something or perhaps trip and fall off the bridge on my way home."

If Kakashi heard the sincerity in the teenagers voice he didn't show it as he just waved and walked the other way.

"Don't let it get you down."

Itachi ignored him and slowly made his way to cram school. Perhaps he'd jump in traffic or…An idea struck him and he smiled.

"They wont think I'm gay after this…_Kukukuku_" His laugh rivaled Orochimaru's which might not have been the best thing as a woman with her child crossed the street not wanting to deal with the "**Girl**" with lines under her eyes laughing like a maniac.

**Sera: That was fun writing. Well now that that is out of the way…I see more torturing Itachi. **

**1: The M in Itachi's full name, his middle name…well…if you've read my other Fic Lonely In Gorgeous, chapter 10 A Broken Pact, then you'll find out what the middle name is. Hee Hee. I'm going to use it here too as a method of torture.**

**Till next time, review and I will continue! **


	3. Neji's word is law

**I'm not Gay Damn it! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters but the plot is mine. **

_Sera: Sorry for not up dating in so long it's just that well to be honest I kind of forgot about this fic-I ended up writing all these other ones that I need finished…crud…but I've decided to continue because now I have an idea on where this story will go and how it will progress. Also, an added note, the Akatsuki are something of a Host Club for the high school in which Itachi attends and I apologize for the confusion in the beginning about Sasuke and Itachi's ages. Itachi is 15 and Sasuke is 5.Leader-Sama (Pein) is about 17 and so is Blu and then the others are about 16. All of the Akatsuki are older then Itachi. And if this story gets enough reviews then you might see a teenage Sasuke and a very gender confused Itachi later…hmmm I'm not spilling any spoiler's right…? LoL! Well I hope you enjoy this chapter. _

_Ja! _

_-Sera _

Itachi walked at a brisk pace back home from the building in which his cram classes were held with a frown on his face-it was on the complete opposite of town from his house and he'd have to walk all that way. It wasn't bad enough that it was snowing but not only that, Sasuke had gotten into his room and broke his iPod into pieces.

He hated younger siblings.

Pulling his scarf more snuggly against his neck and shoving his hands into his pockets he trekked his way past the unfamiliar bodies of the town's civilians whom were seemingly huddled together without realizing it. The cold did strange things, Itachi thought, and he shook his head.

They thought that he was gay. How was it even possible that people thought he was gay-not that there was anything wrong with that!

"Such trepidation…"

It was even worse when Sasuke had asked him if he was gay and told him about his mother's reason behind her drinking…so yeah she was a drunk and when ever she got mad his father would break out the emergency whine and there was that one time at Christmas…but still, how can it be his fault alone?

"Itachi!" A cheery voice said breaking him from his thoughts. He stopped walking and turned his head slightly to catch his cousin, Obito, running towards him smiling like an idiot.

Where had he seen that idiot smile before?

"Well if it isn't Itachi Uchiha. I haven't seen you for months now it's like you're avoiding me."

Itachi stared at the blonde now standing in front of him with a good smile on his face. His blue eyes were closed into slits. _'This man is supposed to be a high ranking official and he's smiling like some sort of slow minded toddler…' _

He looked at his cousin whom had stopped beside Minato Namikaze to greet him.

'_Ah so that's where I've see the idiots smile.'_ He deducted.

"So uncle and Hokage-sama what brings you to this part of town?"

Minato scratched the back of his head and held up a plastic bag.

"I was actually getting the wife some takeout."

Itachi nodded.

"Oh yes, Kushina-san is pregnant with your second child. Congratulations."

Minato blushed.

"Thanks."

Obito, who was quite throughout the conversation, finally spoke up. He fixed his goggles over his eyes.

"Itachi isn't this a bit far away from your place? The driver couldn't pick you up?"

Itachi shrugged.

"I decided to walk…to think hey can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Shoot."

"Do I seem gay?"

Minato's smile dropped as his mouth opened to three times it size and Obito's mouth formed an 'o' as his eyes boggled.

"Say what?" Minato finally asked after a long moment while Obito just continued to stare in silence. Itahci was beginning to regret asking them. But if not them, the two most idiotic, most honest men he knew, then who?

He wasn't about to try to talk to Kakashi, and his father was out of the question.

"Um…I have to go to meet…uh…Anko! That's it Anko!" Obito shouted rather loudly before turning on his heels. "Good luck Minato-sensei!"

Minato Namikaze was a kind man by far but at this moment,k staring into the dark depths of Itachi Uchiha's confused eyes he swore that he'd kill Obito for leaving him alone to deal with this. Former student or not Obito was gonna get it.

"Well uh…why don't we uh…you see Itachi you're very uh…" Minato wanted to smack himself. 'Good going Hokage! You look like an idiot!'

"Hokage-sama?"

"It's nothing…uh Itachi what brought this on?"

"Sasuke overheard my parents questioning my sexuality and apparently Kakashi thinks I'm gay."

Minato nodded thoughtfully.

"Ah…well how about instead of answering your question…uh I help you find a girlfriend so that people no longer think that you're gay?"

Itachi mulled over the proposition. On one handhe'd be annoyed by any girl he attempted to date. On the other handhe'd be getting laid and people would get off his back.

He nodded.

"Ok."

"Great!" Minato said placing a hand on the boys shoulder and leading him to a parked car. "Now then, I have someone that I want you to meet. He and all his friends are in some sort of club that involves girls."

Itahci nodded.

"Really? What would this persons name happen to be if you don't mind my asking?"

"Oh the eldest son of Inoichi Yamanaka. I think you go to school with-why are you frowning?"

"Deidara?"

Minato nodded.

"So you've met?"

"Yes." Itahci said with red eyes.

"And I take it that it didn't go to well?"

"No."

"Ah."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"So…how's your mother?"

"She…good…she's good."

"That's good…"

-

Sasuke jumped off the blue couch and rolled on the carpeted floor. He peered from behind the piece of paper that he had been coloring on when he was on the couch. He stared at his prey and giggled into his hand, bright black eyes shimmering. "Tee Hee Hee."

He pounced.

"AH! S-sasuke! Hee hee hee!" the little girl giggled as Sasuke began to tickle her.

He'd jumped onto Hinata Hyuuga's back, whom had been lying on her stomach watching the movie on the TV. Her cousin Neji frowned at them before snuggling into the couch cushion that he'd been half lying on beside her. "Shut up I am tring to sleep you dummies!"

Naruto, whom was reading a book upside down, dropped it and cupped his chubby little hands over his mouth. "OH! Neji said da 'D' word!"

"Bwother t-that's a b-bad word." Hinata said muffled by Sasuke's arm. He was trying to put her on his shoulder with little success.

"Nu uh! You're jus saying that cuz Naru-Dummy says it!"

"Nu-Uh!"

"Uh-Huh!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Uh-huh you pansy pwincess!" Neji shouted before throwing himself onto the cushion. He hated it when his Uncle and auntie left him and Hinata at the Uchiha's. He was the big kid in the house. He could stay all by himself and protect Hinata.

"Hey Nej,i whatsa' Pansy?" Sasuke asked letting go of Hinata, much to her joy. He sat cross legged and stared at Neji's back until the little Hyuuga sat up with a yawn.

"A pansy is a sissy boy who likes other sissy boys."

"Sissy boy? Likes?"

"Um…" Neji scratched his head; he didn't like to think so much unless he was in school. Oh well, if Sasuke was such an idiot then he'd better help explain to make him smarter…right? "They kiss and hold hands and stuff."

"Boys?" Naruto asked from beside him not. His bright big blue eyes were opened wide and his mouth hung slightly opened.

"Uh huh. My cousin Teo kisses his room mate Chad all the time and uncle Hiashi calls him a Sissy boy and plus he's always around boys." He crossed his arms across his chest and nodded.

"Oh." Sasuke's eyes widened. "My brother is always around boys."

"Then he's a sissy."

Hinata looked away from the TV now listening intently. "Um I don think that it's da same."

"Shut up Hinata."

"Yes brother."

Sasuke smiled brightly and toddled over to the coffee table where his papers and crayons sat. He smiled brightly. "I'ma makes a card for Itachi."

Naruto toddled beside him staring at the blank paper.

"What's it gonna say?"

"Um…'Be Happy to be a Sissy!' or something like dat."

"Oh. Can we help?"

Sasuke nodded.

As the boys began to color and make the card Hinata sat by the TV staring at them. She knew Itachi from all the times he babysat her and Neji and Hanabi and she didn't think he was a Sissy…but when Neji says something then he's right all the time.

She shrugged and concentrated on the TV, he misgivings forgotten.

-

Sera: I changed the type of writing that I used for the previous chapters…uh Minato is Narut's dad of course and Deidara and Itachi don't get along. You'll find out why. I wanted to put a cute moment so I added little Sasuke and the other rugrats. The wrestling thing with Hinata was so cute, I wish I had a scanner to draw them all together…maybe someone would draw it and post it up somewhere –smiles- anyway, the card…well…you'll see in the next chapter.

And what Neji says about Sissy boys and such. That's just what he heard from his uncle-he doesn't mean to sound so mean.

It'll get funny later too.

Review and I'll go on just no flames please!


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